Recently I have come to the conclusion that even if you map things out, life will always throw you some curve balls. There are things, such as interpersonal relationships, that you just can't plan out, or expect.
Almost ten years ago, when I was in tenth grade my parents went on vacation for a week and left me at home with a friend of my mothers and her two daughters. The eldest of the daughters, "N," was a senior in high school and one of the coolest girls I had ever met. We soon stuck up a friendship and during that week she took me to a local pub to meet up with her boyfriend and his friends who were there playing some pool. I remember the first time I saw "JZ" I was instantly smitten, but of course the impossibility of anything ever happening dashed any romantic illusions from my mind. After all he was a senior, oh so handsome and lets not forget the fact that he was "N"s boyfriend. I remember just watching him play pool just standing next to "N" and thinking if only I knew how to play... We hung out a couple of more times that week. When my mother returned home from her trip I never heard from "N" again, but after that I practiced playing almost every day after school and I never did forget JZ's last name. So odd really, rarely do last names start with the letter Z...
Nine years went by, playing pool became a passion, and the memory of how that came to be had faded from my mind. I walk into a huge law school auditorium not knowing what to expect. I sit on the second row closest to the door and slowly the room fills with aspiring future lawyers. I only slightly know the student who sits next to me because outside we spoke over a few cigarettes the fact that we had a common friend. The professor at the front begins a massive roll call, there are well over 70 students in the auditorium. His voice fades until the end when he says that name that starts with Z, and the guy sitting in front of me answers...
Suddenly the memories start to re-appear. During that week we spoke and acknowledged the fact that we knew each other and when that student I slightly knew asked me if I thought I could ever be interested in anyone in the class my answer was JZ. While now you may be thinking it doesn't seem as impossible, later on that week I run into "N" in the hall. She barely says hi and walks away. It turns out she is a third year student and that they had recently gotten back together. Sooooo, once again any interest just faded away. For some reason if I ran into him we would end up having lunch together and talking, we seemed to enjoy each others company but not in a romantic sense and by the end of first year I truly had no interest whatsoever in that way. He later told me that "N" had stopped talking to me because during that week we hung out, I had been cold and he offered me his sweater and she got jealous and had a huge fight with him.
First semester second year I was faltering heavily in the world of law. Itching to get out not just of law but also a pressured relationship. JZ and I coincide more and more frequently. His relationship with "N" over and my relationship with law coming into an end, were both just lost. Then on the last day of class he looks at me and says "you want to get the fuck out of here and have a beer" at 11:00 am, without thinking it twice I answer yes and thats when our friendship truly began. That day we talked for twelve hours straight, he left my house well after 1:00 am. We had so much in common, but we were on shaky ground. Not knowing what to make of this new found friendship with some mutual attraction we played "the game" where your careful not to get to involved when you have no idea what the other is thinking.
We almost pulled away completely fearing the consequences until one unforeseen day we just dropped all the walls and now were truly just getting to know each other. No plans, no strategies just living the moment enjoying each others company. We kiss but we don't allow it to escalate from there. Because even if we don't think about it, we know its complicated. He just got out of a long term relationship and I need to concentrate on my new studies. We have mentioned those facts but its nice for once not to be concerned about the whole "where is this going." For now we're just sharing this point in time.
Believe me, this is truly refreshing for a change.
The other day we played pool for the first time... I kicked his ass. He later told me that I made him want to start practicing again. I just enjoyed the irony.
